


Head in the Clouds, Waking Up on the Floor

by blessyourdoubts



Category: Political Animals, What's Your Number? (2011)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Casual Sex, Drug Use, Family Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Het, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Slow Burn, Smut, Some Fluff, lots of sex in later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-08-28 08:05:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8437867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blessyourdoubts/pseuds/blessyourdoubts
Summary: After breaking up with Ally, the woman he changed his life and himself for, Colin feels lost and like the biggest failure.
But then he meets TJ Hammond, his new boss. Beautiful, confident, unbearably sexy TJ. Who also has a whole mountain of problems to deal with.
Can they be good for each other or is this a disaster waiting to happen?
***
Disclaimer: Don't own the characters, never happened.





	1. One

Colin wakes with a start when there’s a loud crash outside his apartment. Feeling disoriented and caught between sleep and the waking world, it takes him a moment to remember that today is the day he’s been dreading. The day when 6C will cease to exist as his personal reminder of a failed attempt at a different life and become an occupied space once more. 

 

Lying still on his back, Colin stares at the ceiling without really seeing anything as he listens to the noise and muffled voices, not even considering the possibility to offer his help.

 

It should have come as a welcome change, Colin figures. Ever since Ally moved out, the silence behind the door across the hallway has been haunting him and most days, he finds himself staring at the chipped white paint of the door for way longer than he’d like to admit. But somehow, Colin has arranged himself with that and the thought that someone other than Ally could live inside that sun flooded apartment with its weird layout and half ruined floor boards seems crazy to him. Especially after he ran into the new tenant when the realtor showed them around. Another young woman but pretty much the opposite of Ally. Where his ex-girlfriend was quirky and funny and always a little bit on the awkward side, but too cute for that to really bother anyone, this new girl is just…dull. Colin wasn’t the kind of guy to judge people, especially women, but nothing about that woman stuck out to even make him remember much of their meeting. She is the kind of person he’d forget about in an instant, if she weren’t about to take another chunk of that blissfully happy time of his life from him. Which isn’t her fault, of course, but Colin allows himself that petty little grudge for now.

 

Remembering that there is another reason why today isn’t a good day, he rolls over to reach for his phone and check the time. Past noon. Good. Anything else would offend him. There’s still plenty time to get ready and come up with a thousand reasons why this is a bad idea.

 

So, things with Ally didn’t work out. Not because of her completely loco mother, or the bunch of evil witches she calls her girlfriends. That was the real surprise there. If he were cynical enough, Colin would have bet good money on them being the reason for Ally to break up with him at some point. But no, what broke their neck in the end was his pride as a musician. It started out fine. That wedding gig he scored with Ally in the back of his mind had worked out well. And then, when they’d finally kissed and made up, he figured why not do a bit more of that? It was good money and Colin thoroughly enjoys the happiness that radiates off people at most weddings or birthdays or other family celebrations. So they weren’t exactly there to see him play, but he became a part of their good time and for a while, that was good. It also helped him pay the rent and spoil Ally a little - even though that usually meant takeaway food and drinks at her place. 

 

But Colin had underestimated himself, or maybe he’d always known but chosen to ignore reality for a while. Eventually, it became tiring to always play other people’s music. If he was lucky, the people who’d booked him would allow him to play an original piece or two, never more. And yes, sometimes people danced, usually they’d even clap, but he wasn’t really playing gigs, he was providing background noise for other occasions. 

 

Needless to say, Ally wasn’t too happy about it when he brought that up. They had a fight, and then they had sex, and then they fought some more. Come to think of it, that was the beginning of the end, Colin realised, because it used to be the other way round with them. She had long since given up on the idea of making money with her sculptures and gone back to working shitty marketing jobs she hated. Colin had accepted that, and so it stung even more when she wouldn’t return the favour. For her sake, he tried to take on a number of jobs, including ridiculous things like working in a bakery - early hours and surrounded by food he kept eating himself, not a good idea - or as a barista at the local Starbucks - ‘One more hipster asking for a soy latte, Ally, one more!’ - but that only made things worse between them because they were both on edge and unhappy. It didn’t take long for that ship to crash and burn and a dark and twisted part inside Colin was actually relieved when Ally announced that she was breaking up with him. Of course, Ally was Ally and she didn’t put it that way. She’d taken on a job in Chicago and while that wasn’t the other end of the world, they both knew that with where their relationship stood, they couldn’t make it work if she moved across the street, so they both used that perfect excuse to call it quits.

 

But that didn’t mean that Colin is okay with it, just like that. He misses her, every single day. Or maybe not Ally, he figures, maybe just the idea of what she used to represent for him. She was a shot at something new for him. Something steady. Something to come home to. Colin has discovered a lot of things about himself once he allowed himself to care about something else than him and his dick. He liked waking up next to someone and not worrying about how to get them to leave. He liked doing stuff for someone without expecting anything in return. Okay, without expecting much. 

 

But all of that opening up and compromising has also made him vulnerable and once the day came that he saw Ally leave, actually helped her carry down the last few boxes, he remembered why he’d avoided this for so long. Moments like this don’t happen with girls whose names you don’t even know.

 

Now three months have passed and Colin has to admit that Ally was right about one thing, he needs money to survive. That’s a fact he can’t just ignore. Seeing as he still hasn’t been discovered as the next Springsteen, and he also isn’t any more willing to play sets at yet more weddings and Bar Mitzvahs with a bunch of nerds as a band, he has to do something. Now that he isn’t in a relationship anymore, and no one’s there to complain about him working impossible hours, Colin has looked into less painful options. He’s been working in a few shitty dive bars when a friend told him about a new bar opening. “The hottest place in Boston, man. They’re hiring like whoa and pay’s supposed to be spectacular. Heard that Hammond guy’s involved, y’know, the former president’s offspring? No idea what he’s doing in Boston but who cares, this is a seriously good gig, man!” 

 

Yeah, Ryan is easily excited but even Colin had to admit that it sounded good. He knows nothing about the Hammond guy, safe for what pretty much any living, breathing American citizen knows, but whenever there is a big name involved, that means there’s good money to be made. And Colin isn’t too hung up on who he works for anyway. He is, however, all about spontaneous decisions and so he called the next day and was summoned for an interview straight away. Turned out they were really pressed for time, no one involved planning to take things slow. The job interview took a whole of twenty minutes, most of those spent with him mixing various drinks and no one really watching or caring that he downed a lot of them himself. Yeah, Colin can get behind working that job for a while. 

 

Now that the day of his first shift has come Colin is decidedly less enthusiastic, though. He tries to tell himself that it’s just the drag of getting back into a routine but if he’s honest, he’s been feeling like this a lot since Ally left. Colin has always been a player, then Ally came along and he tried to settle into a new domestic life. And now what? He’s felt aimless for weeks now and is afraid that this new job will only make it worse. Maybe, he figures, he just needs to get laid, get back in the saddle, regain a bit of that playful Colin he was pre-Ally.

 

That thought is enough to drag him from his bed. If anything, this new job will supply him with endless chances of meeting women. Women who are ready to get drunk and get their freak on, to be precise. And Colin will do his best to be a good and helpful bartender, hooking them up with everything they need to have a good time. A corner of his mouth lifts into a lopsided smile. Yeah, perhaps this isn’t all bad.

 

Padding to the bathroom in all his naked glory, he yawns loudly and scratches his belly. His stomach growls in return and Colin nods as if this is an actual conversation. Both, he and his body take food very seriously and it has been a good nine hours since he’s last eaten anything. He knows he’ll find his fridge empty as usual, so his plans for the day will have to include a trip down to the bakery. The thought of a sandwich and maybe a pastry to satisfy his sweet tooth make his mouth water almost as much as the idea of casual, meaningless sex in the foreseeable future. Colin is a simple guy with simple needs, or at least he sticks to that most of the time. It sure makes a lot of things easier.

 

He gets the shower running and while he waits for the water to get hot, he checks himself out in the mirror over the sink. Colin isn’t vain but he knows he looks good. His body is muscular and toned in all the right places. Even a steady relationship and a love affair with food haven’t changed that. He isn’t the impeccable type that you would take home to introduce to your parents but definitely the one you’d make out with in a public bathroom, and that’s really all that Colin’s going for right now.

 

Saluting his reflection in the mirror with a silly grin, he steps into his tub and lets the hot water pound down on his shoulders. For a moment, he considers rubbing one out for no other reason than ‘why not?’. He isn’t even hard but it takes Colin all of five seconds to get going whenever and wherever he wants, what with him never dropping the easy and urgent sex drive of his teenage years. But nah, for once his love for food is more pressing than his need to get off. Besides, with the hope of better partners than his right hand in the near future, it doesn’t feel like he’s missing out on much.

 

*

 

Five hours later and Colin finds himself surrounded by chaos. With only one week left until The Throne Room is supposed to open, the place is a mess of noise and swiftly moving bodies. The bar staff normally isn’t required to show up so early, what with the club opening at ten, but currently, everyone is supposed to just help out where they can. It puts Colin into a bad mood to know he’s required to work more but without the fun of taking someone home afterwards. Instead of being the cool and charming bartender, he finds himself cleaning and organizing things for hours, constantly being shoved this way or that because he’s in the way. 

 

Colin is just wiping the bar’s shiny black surface for the millionth time after one of the workers waltzed all over it in his heavy boots to replace a lightbulb because that one has a “more natural” tint, when the atmosphere around him suddenly seems to sizzle, as if loaded with electricity. The already busy buzz from before becomes nearly unbearable and he sees several heads shoot up and turn towards the door. Someone whispers something about “the high and mighty paying a visit”, making Colin raise an eyebrow in curiosity.

 

If he’s honest, he can’t see the “high and mighty” bit at all when a dark-haired guy walks into the room. Dressed in a dark grey long-sleeved shirt and black figure-hugging pants, he makes it easy for Colin to see that the guy has a nicely toned body - strong chest, thick arms, but something about the way he walks and holds his head makes him appear smaller than he is, more slender, like he isn’t completely sure of himself and his impression on others. Which seems ridiculous because he’s handsome, no, more than that. His features are bordering on pretty, which puzzles Colin because he’s never thought of a guy as that. But there’s no other way to describe him. All full pink lips, large round eyes that are the strangest mix of blue, green and grey - a summer storm, Colin thinks and then chides himself for being ridiculous - and finely carved features that remind Colin more of a fine piece of art than a human being. No wonder everyone is staring at him.

 

He watches as the guy walks around the room and looks around as if taking everything in for the first time. Despite owning the whole thing and, Colin guesses, having more money in his account that Colin will ever make in his life, there’s something shy and timid in his step, almost as if he is in awe of the place. Something Colin can’t quite blame him for.

 

This place is huge, grand even. One of the staff members told Colin that it is way bigger than Dome, Hammond’s old club, had ever been planned to be. Being who he is, TJ has obviously decided to leave the celebrity flair behind a little bit, and focus more on the fun a dance club and bar can provide for pretty much anyone, well, anyone who can afford the experience. The centerpiece of the front room is a huge bar. Carved out of dark wood and topped with a shiny black surface, it runs along the entire length of one wall like an elegant snake. In the back, separated by large oak doors with little windows in them, is the club area. That part is more modern, with a large dance floor and different levels and semi-private VIP booths. It seems cool but Colin is grateful that his job revolves around the bar in the front, where several bartenders will be stationed behind it, ready to hook up their guests with anything they need to make it a good night.

 

But right now, only he is actually doing any bartender’s work. And so it is him TJ saunters over to after a while. Colin is aware of some people watching but he still doesn’t get what the fuss is about. So this is the boss and he’s kind of a celebrity. And, yeah, he’s hot. But at the end of the day, Colin is here to do his job and make a living.

 

“Hi,” TJ says, and Colin watches as he lifts himself onto one of the bar stools as if this wasn’t his club and this was just any random night. “So, what do you recommend?” He drums his fingers on the counter a few times, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth. Around them, the noise picks up again as people are coming to terms with the fact that TJ is ignoring them and hasn’t come in to inspect their work. Now he has his new bartender’s undivided attention, though.

 

It’s as much of a test as it is entertainment for TJ, Colin realises and quickly figures out that for TJ, there are probably two kinds of people in the world. One, those who are completely unimpressed by his presence, probably assume he isn’t worthy of their time because he’s too much celebrity and too little high society. Two, those who get their panties in a twist at the mention of his name and who fall over themselves to impress him. And Colin falls into neither of those categories. Not even the fact that TJ’s the provider of his paycheques really seems to change anything about that. 

 

Instead of fumbling for an answer, possibly listing the entire repertoire of drinks available, he reaches behind himself, grabbing a glass from the shelf without looking and flips it in the air before slamming it down on the counter between them. “Let me whip something up for ya,” he says, staring TJ in the eye before he turns away to get several bottles from under the counter. TJ doesn’t pay much attention to what exactly ends up in the glass, he isn’t here to learn how to make cocktails, but that doesn’t mean his eyes aren’t glued to Colin’s hands. And it seems as if he likes what he’s seeing. For the fraction of a moment, he’s worried about his outfit, just jeans and a grey hoodie over an old band shirt. But the dress code isn’t in effect yet and if TJ thought Colin would come here to do the cleaning and dusting in a button down, he’d better think again.

 

Colin is skilled enough not to let his boss’ watchful eyes throw him off track. Most of the time, he doesn’t even have to check the labels and in just under two minutes, there’s a glass of something dark in front of TJ. The liquid looks vaguely like bourbon or whiskey but TJ saw him mix several things together, so he guesses it isn’t that simple and Colin would be damned to share his secret. He picks up the glass with a raised eyebrow in a challenging expression and lifts it in a quick toast before bringing it up to his lips. Colin watches him take a careful sip, then another. The way he savours the drink makes it obvious that he isn’t a stranger to alcohol and can tell the difference between a quick, easy drink and something of better quality. “This is good,” he notes, not afraid of showing him that he’s positively impressed, “what is it?”

 

He watches as Colin puts his forearms onto the bar and leans his weight onto them, moving half across the bar and peering at him like a playful cat. “It’s my special. You don’t expect me to tell you my secrets, do you?” There’s something challenging in his blue eyes, something TJ probably isn’t used to from most people, especially employees. 

 

“Not even your boss?” he shoots back, mimicking him by leaning across the bar, his expression a mirror image of the guy’s. “What’s your name?”

 

“Colin. And no, not even my boss, sir.” The last word comes a split of a second later, as if added as an afterthought and he delivers it with a raise of one eyebrow. There’s a mocking tone to his voice, as if he has already decided that their roles are definitely reversed here, TJ isn’t the one in charge, no matter who the recipient of the paycheque is.

 

TJ nods appreciatively, still with that grin on his face, as he picks the glass up again and takes another sip. Once he’s swallowed, he pokes his tongue out and licks his lips lazily.

 

“Well, Colin,” he says, putting the glass back down slowly, as if they both have all the time in the world. Then he reaches a hand out over the bar, straightening up a bit in the process. “I’m TJ Hammond, your boss, and I like you. Good to see someone here knows what they’re doing.”

 

It is a genuine compliment, Colin decides, despite all the flirting and the humoring undertones. He doesn’t know much about TJ and it’s hard to judge a person within just a few minutes but he doesn’t seem like the kind of person who thinks he needs to buy people with compliments. Even when he’s teasing, he won’t blurt something out like that, Colin doesn’t think.

 

“Thanks, boss,” Colin says, with one of his trademark grins, the kind that has him lifting his chin a little and his back straighten just that much more. “As it happens, I like working for people who appreciate what I’m doing, so we’re even. Anything else I can do for you?”

 

Before replying, TJ picks up his glass again, emptying it in one go. After he’s put it down on the bar again and slides off the stool, he regards Colin with a long look, again with that plush and full bottom lip sucked between his teeth. “I’m sure there’s plenty you can do for me, Colin,” he finally says with a nod, as if having come to an important decision, “but right now, you and I both have a job to do here. Don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll see a lot of each other.” He walks backwards a few steps, snorting out a little laugh at the curiously raised eyebrow Colin is giving him, and then lifts a hand in a small wave before he turns around and disappears through the door that Colin knows leads to the private part of the business. He’s only been in there once, very briefly, and only in the dimly lit hallway right behind the door. But he knows the closed doors he’s seen along the walls lead to at least one office and one room that has been explained to him as ‘the playroom’. Colin doesn’t need to see it to know that it is the kind of place where the real VIP’s are led to to share some serious business with the owner. The only thing Colin doesn’t know yet is what ‘serious business’ is with the owner of this establishment, the guy he’s just met and suddenly finds himself very interested in. 

 

Doesn’t mean he isn’t dying to find out, though.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colin's interest in his boss doesn't seem to be met with the same enthusiasm.
> 
> But one fateful night TJ needs a little pick-me-up and turns out, Colin's just the right guy for that.

It is a strange feeling, finding himself interested in another man. It isn’t completely new to him; Colin has dabbled in a lot of things back in college and sometimes also later. He’s never really considered himself anything but straight but then again, he hasn’t actively picked anyone before he met Ally and even that wasn’t really something he’d planned. So far he’s thought of people as opportunities and whenever one presented itself, Colin went for it. And those ‘opportunities’ just happened to be female most of the time. 

 

But that also means that Colin is far more used to being attracted to women. The few guys he’s been with were mostly the same type, frat boys who played football and had the build that came with it. Colin has been with so many girls of all types - skinny, full-figured, curvy and flat-chested - he only needs to look at a woman and can instantly make out his favourite parts, can already feel his hands following the gentle dips and curves of her body before he’s even touched her. He’s used to letting himself go like that frequently, sit in a bar or in a park and just allow himself to watch and appreciate - and often also to pick, he has to admit that.

 

But he’s never felt that way about men. And now, as he suddenly finds himself so fascinated with TJ, a huge chunk of the excitement comes from that curiosity, from not knowing how to read another man’s body, yet, of looking at him and finding everything about it new and exciting. Everything seems like a dive into the unknown to him. He sees TJ’s broad chest under the shirt and sure, Colin can take an educated guess how amazing that must feel under the tips of his fingers, but his first hand experience is so limited that he can’t quite imagine it yet. Just like he doesn’t know how it would feel to have those muscular arms hold him with a strength matching his own. All these things seem so new to him, like an adventure he would love to embark on. And boy, is he ever itching to touch!

 

But there’s also, unmistakably, an attraction that revolves around TJ himself. It isn’t just any guy, it is this guy. And it’s so hard for Colin to pinpoint what it is about him that draws his attention. It’s like a cocktail that you don’t know the ingredients of but that doesn’t make you like it any less.

 

Colin has never been so frustrated before. In fact, when he thinks about it, before his time with Ally he’d never even had reason to be frustrated, had never given anyone enough importance in his life to take him there.

 

But TJ is another story. He comes by to check on Colin’s work frequently and each encounter goes much like their first one, including the teasing and the flirting. Problem is, TJ is like that with most of the others, too. If it wasn’t for those looks. Every once in awhile Colin will catch TJ staring at him but once caught, TJ doesn’t look away but gives him that smile. One Colin has never seen him exchange with anyone else before. Only he isn’t sure if that’s just wishful thinking after all. Sometimes the mind will play cruel tricks on you and Colin knows this only too well. And most of the time he can only watch TJ and feel starved for attention. Things never pick up pace and never go further and Colin is convinced that there’s nothing more to be found there, this is just who TJ is. And it is so frustrating because he used to be like that, too, should be able to deal with this without getting pointlessly infatuated. If anything, his behaviour should put Colin off, tell him everything he needs to know. But the opposite is the case, it only gets him more and more interested.

 

When opening night comes around, Colin figures things will change for him. TJ won’t have more time to talk to him but it will matter less. He can finally do what he was hired to do and there’ll be a whole room full of pretty ladies for him to woo. Or maybe guys, too, why not branch out, now that he knows he can.

 

But truth is, things only get worse. TJ turns out to be the kind of nightclub owner who likes to join the party, so from night one, Colin gets to admire him in varying styles of finely tailored suits, expensive shirts that groan under the effort of his chest trying to pop the buttons, and pants that hug his shape so nicely. 

 

And as a boss, he’s even worse. No, actually he’s brilliant. Always attentive, always hanging out with the staff, giving them pep talks and more than once, Colin sees him stick around after close to help clean up. 

 

After a while, Colin begins to suspect that TJ spends pretty much his entire time at the club, even handles his private life from there. And he definitely picks people up there, too. As it seems, the concept of not mixing work and play hasn’t really occurred to his boss yet.

 

On two occasions, Colin’s caught him in the alley out back while he was taking the trash out.

 

The first time he walked in - or out - on him while he had his tongue down a skinny blonde’s throat and his hand down his pants. Startled, Colin watched with morbid interest until both of them became aware of the fact they weren’t alone anymore and TJ turned around, annoyance turning into a grin.

 

“Too bad I’m paying you to work here or I would have asked you to join us,” he teased him, and that was enough for Colin to leave, mortified he had even stayed so long in the first place.

 

Afterwards, he’d felt terrible. Not only about what he had witnessed in the first place but also because of his own reaction. It wasn’t like him at all not to come up with at least some witty little remark as a comeback. He’d slinked off like some embarrassed little teenage virgin and that was making everything so much worse in his eyes.

 

So the next time he went out there and heard TJ’s familiar voice, he instantly froze. Colin never meant to eavesdrop and yet, he stayed at the door, leaving it open just a crack. TJ was alone this time but talking to someone on the phone. It didn’t take long for Colin to figure out that he was agitated.

 

“No, Doug, I’m not fucking drunk,” he snapped and then Colin heard him huff before he added, “Right. I own a nightclub, so of course, I must be drinking all the time.”

 

There was a pause before he exclaimed, “I don’t fucking care what dad thinks. I don’t even believe he ever actually thinks anything, at least not with his head!”

 

Starting to feel like a creep, Colin made a point of being extra noisy as he pushed the door open and pretended he’d only just walked out. He even whistled and gave TJ a huge cheesy grin, aware that the call must have been paused until he was gone again. But once back inside, Colin couldn’t stop wondering about what he’d just witnessed.

 

That was one of the weirder encounters between them but most nights are less eventful. Colin watches as TJ flirts and woos his way through the crowds, sometimes more, sometimes less. At least it’s pure entertainment to see how easily people fall for his charms, men and women alike.

 

What Colin doesn’t like are the nights when TJ isn’t sticking around. Because those are the nights when he will be seen hanging around one lucky chosen one, usually a guest, sometimes staff members. And then Colin will watch as TJ compliments that person outside and into a waiting car. Some nights, he’ll take them into his office, maybe when he isn’t planning on having them around for too long. Each time, Colin is a little more tempted to find a reason to go in there. But he never does because for one, there simply is no reason for any of the bar staff to go back there, ever. And two, why would he do that? 

 

Thing is, Colin doesn’t even need to see it to know what’s going on. TJ isn’t too modest about sneaking kisses or touches in plain view, so it takes little imagination to know what will happen when he ups it a notch in private. Realistically, Colin knows he has no right to be jealous. Realistically, it is his boss he’s watching. Realistically, he shouldn’t even want to mix work and play. 

 

But who is he kidding?

 

*

 

The weeks go on, spring turns into summer and Colin’s work becomes a little more routine. Not in a bad way, he just becomes more comfortable behind the bar, makes friends among his co-workers and feels more confident the more he figures things out. That also makes it easier to be his usual flirty self around guests. In the beginning, he was putting up an act to charm them, now he’s just being himself. And while he’s still pretty hung up on TJ, he’s also coming to terms with the fact that there’s nothing to pursue here.

 

Ironically, that has made TJ’s behavior towards him change, too. He spends more time hanging out by Colin’s end of the bar. Sometimes he’ll even come around without a specific reason, just sits there and smiles that mysterious little smile. Colin would like to fall into that new pace, but he’d afraid of breaking the spell. So he tries not to change much about the way he acts. Sometimes he even goes with deliberate ignorance. Those times are the hardest and leave him tired and drained. 

 

But despite the situation with TJ, slipping back into his old patterns is surprisingly easy, once he’s surrounded by so many people to choose from. And that’s pretty much all Colin has to do, choose. On any given night, there will be plenty of guests who are looking for some casual fun and as a bartender, Colin ends up in their focus of attention. Strictly speaking, Colin has no idea what the rules are when it comes to hooking up with them. But he figures since the owner is setting a prime example, there won’t be any consequences to face. He still tries not to make it too obvious but most nights, he doesn’t go home alone.

 

*

 

It is a Thursday night and it’s relatively quiet in the club. Thursdays are always slow. Most people are exhausted from almost a full week of work and while a night out could help them to ease up, Friday’s so close that they just wait it out for one more day. The Throne Room is still one of the hotspots, never really having lost its thrill from opening night, which Colin knows pleases TJ. That means the club isn’t as empty as some other places. There’s a decent number of guests gathered around the bar, some of the booths are taken and there’s even a bachelor party taking place in one of the VIP booths. But Colin knows that you can barely move on the floor on weekend nights, so this can be considered almost dead.

 

TJ seems to agree with him, Colin judges by the easy but slightly bored smile on his face. He’s seated in one of the booths, slowly sipping his whiskey. There’s what looks like some kind of finances folder spread out in front of him on the table but Colin hasn’t seen him looking at it in at least an hour. He’s watching the guests but even that doesn’t really seem to keep him captivated for long. He seems lost in his own thoughts.

 

As usual, there are women gathered around Colin’s end of the bar but none seem very appealing to him. Most look like they’ve come here straight after work and while they’re dressed in impeccable business clothes, they already look sufficiently drunk and like too much of an easy catch for Colin, nothing he’d usually go for. There’s also one guy who is giving him suggestive looks but Colin isn’t really interested in him, either. He seems to have crossed the line of comfortably drunk and Colin has no intention to be the adventure this guy will have forgotten about in the morning.

 

A look at TJ is enough to tell him that his boss hasn’t taken an interest in anyone, either. It’s always so plain to see when he has made his pick. Eyes dilated and back just that little bit straighter, he follows the subject of his interest with his gaze until he makes a move on the prey. Colin’s seen it so often and he can tell that’s nothing he’ll see tonight.

 

He’s seen him speaking on the phone earlier. And like that conversation he’d accidentally overheard before, it seemed not to be a pleasant call. This time Colin made sure not to listen in but now he wonders if the tired and slightly sour expression on TJ’s face has anything to do with that.

 

He watches TJ down the rest of his drink in one gulp and pull himself up to walk over to the bar. He waves the empty glass at Colin and puts it down on the shiny surface, waiting for him to finish serving the guy that’s resorted to giving him ridiculous puppy eyes by now. As he waits, he checks his phone. Out of the corner of his eye, Colin sees him tapping his screen, clearly not pleased with whatever he found there.

 

If possible, TJ’s mood sours even further and he seems to make a sincere attempt at making his phone go up in flames with his eyes alone. 

 

“That doesn’t look like good news.” Colin’s voice rips him away from glaring at his screen and TJ looks up at him in confusion.

 

“What news?” He locks his phone and pushes it into his pocket, forgetting to look as grumpy as he felt a nanosecond ago because he’s suddenly graced by the attention of his favourite bartender.

 

“Whatever you just received in that message,” Colin replies and gestures at where the shape of TJ’s phone is clearly visible in his pocket. His eyebrows lift in that way that’s clearly his trademark look, one corner of his mouth curling into a lopsided grin that is asking for details without seeming inquisitive. Bartender skills - getting people to open up without even noticing it. 

 

“Oh,” he replies dumbly. The skills are working and TJ seems almost ready to spill the beans and tell him about whatever is bugging him. Almost, but not quite. Instead, he folds his arms on the bartop and rests his head on them, a ridiculous little pout making his lips seem even fuller. “I’m bored,” he announces, clearly fishing for pity here.

 

Colin doesn’t reply at first, instead keeps watching him as he refills his glass and puts it down in front of him again. Then he mimics TJ so they’re at face level. “I take it music and dancing aren’t the entertainment you were looking for?” There is a hint of a joke in his voice but his face is an expression of sympathy, even his lips are puckered in what’s almost a pout. It makes TJ laugh despite his best efforts of keeping a straight face.

 

“No, not really,” he admits with a pout that matches Colin’s. There’s a mutual understanding between them that they’re not judging, even now when Colin knows exactly what kind of ‘fun’ TJ is looking for. 

 

“Sucks,” he agrees and there’s more on the tip of his tongue but they both seem to have that certain line they won’t cross. At least not without the okay from the other, which makes for a quite exhilarating dance, he has to admit. But one that’ll lead nowhere unless one of them will give in. 

 

“Well…” TJ says, his fingertip drawing a circle on the shiny surface of the bar and Colin’s brows lift in surprise, something like hope lighting up his entire face. Sky blue eyes are staring right into stormy grey ones and he’s sure he can almost hear the sound of their hearts beating together.

 

The words are almost out of his mouth when his phone starts buzzing in his pocket. TJ tries to ignore it but once the spell is broken, everything about this starts feeling like a bad idea again. 

 

He excuses himself to Colin and fishes his phone from where he buried he before. Colin watches as he waves the phone at him, the universal sign to let someone know they should back off and give him some privacy. Then he pushes from the bar and gives it another ring or two, clearly intending to let whoever it is stew a little, before he takes the call and brings the phone to his ear.

 

*

 

Colin watches TJ answer the call just as he disappears behind the door to his office and he can’t help the dark feeling that’s creeping up on him. The worst part of this is that he doesn’t know why he’s feeling like this because he has no idea what just happened. A part of his brain tries to tell him that yes, he does know all about the connection between them he just felt. But he shushes that part because, no, he knows nothing about it. If anything, it only left him more confused.

 

Colin decides to do what he always does when a situation leaves him feeling stranded: Laugh it off. And so he chuckles to himself and shakes his head before reaching for TJ’s glass and cleaning it away. Then he turns to another guest. Won’t do getting hung up on this now.

 

Over the next hour, Colin tries to make himself believe he isn’t watching the door. And he’s almost successful until a guy shows up, walks straight to the door, seems to double check something on his phone and then walks in through. Colin waits for a minute, then two, and when he doesn’t see him come out again, that’s all he needs to know. Handsome guy, he has to admit. Tall like himself but otherwise the opposite of him, type-wise. Fairly dark skin, probably Latino, almost black eyes, shiny black hair that’s a bit longer on top and styled into charmingly messy curls. Colin can tell by now that this isn’t TJ’s type, per se. Because TJ has no type. He’s seen him with fair Nordic gods and dark-skinned beauties, all shapes and sizes, too. And still, he can’t help but compare himself to this guy, or to what he gets to see of him in that short minute anyway.

 

Colin resolves to find himself some distraction, too, but gives up all too quickly when he comes to terms with the fact that no one can really capture his interest tonight. He’s distracted and he hates it. Even if he was gonna try and woo some unsuspecting victim, he doubts it’d be very successful when he keeps glancing at the privacy door every other moment. 

 

He wishes he could say that he lost track of time and has no idea how much has passed by the time the door opens and Mr. Handsome comes out again but to his own astonishment, Colin can tell that exactly one hour and seventeen minutes have passed. The guy catches him looking and jerks his chin at him with a grin that makes Colin’s fists itch, even though there’s no way this dude can even tell what’s going on. To him he’s just the bartender at TJ’s club and how exactly is that wrong? For one horrible moment he thinks he’s gonna come over, maybe ask for a drink and bask in the glory of just having done whatever with the owner. But then he just walks past the bar and leaves the same way he came.

 

Once he’s out of sight, Colin looks back at the privacy door but it stays closed, no TJ following his guest back out to the public area of the club. Colin’s left to wonder at the reason for this. Of course his mind won’t give it a rest and supplies him with an endless stream of images. The most harmless ones are variations of a naked TJ, spent and glowing from more than one climax wrecking his body. And Colin can’t imagine leaving that glorious sight behind like Mr. Handsome just did.

 

After ten minutes have passed, he gives up hoping for TJ to come back out. A part of him is even relieved because that would be a seriously awkward conversation. Colin isn’t shy and not celibate either but he can imagine more pleasant conversations with his boss than one taking place only minutes after he got banged all over his office - by someone who wasn’t him.

 

Soon closing time draws near and along with it the end of his shift. Brianna, who’s tended to the other end of the bar tonight, is eager to head home, so Colin offers to do the cleanup on his own. It doesn’t take long until it’s just him and the hired cleaners who come in every night to do the biggest part of it - sweeping, mopping, restrooms. Colin’s telling himself that it takes as long as it does because he’s being very thorough but truth is, he’s still eyeing that door and by now there’s an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. He finds himself cleaning the same glass for the third time before he gives up and tosses the towel onto the bar with a defeated huff.

 

Wiping his hands on his pants, he makes his way over to the door where he stops and looks over his shoulder as if he was about to embark on some highly criminal mission. As expected, none of the cleaners even give a damn about his existence. Colin guesses if you got up at three in the morning to clean up whatever got left behind by a bunch of drunks, you don’t exactly care about anything else than getting the job done as quickly and efficiently as possible. He still feels like a naughty little boy when he opens that door and peeks into the hallway beyond. Nothing. Everything’s quiet, not a sound of TJ or anyone else. Colin can’t decide whether that should worry or relieve him and quickly decides to walk up to TJ’s office door. It’s not like he really expects anything dramatic to have happened. But it’s not like he doesn’t, either.

 

He knocks on the door. Once, twice, then, “TJ?” Still nothing, so Colin repeats the action. When there still isn’t a reply, he takes a deep breath in, closes his eyes and tries the knob. As it turns easily and the door pushes open, he slowly opens one eye, but just a tiny slit, peeking into the room. “You better be dressed!” His voice sounds surprisingly light and casual, given his pounding heartbeat in his chest. 

 

What he finds leaves him breathless for one heartstopping moment because TJ, while fully dressed, is lying on his back on the floor and Colin fears he’s dead. But then his chest expands in one deep breath, although his eyes remain closed and he doesn’t move. There’s a sigh, followed by a dramatic, “Will life ever not suck?” As if there was a previous part of the conversation Colin has somehow missed and of course, this remark makes total sense right now. And Colin, even though he has no idea what’s going on and can still feel his heart beating a little too fast from the initial shock, just chuckles and walks over to the leather couch to sit down with his feet almost touching TJ’s ribs.

 

He looks around the room, making use of the opportunity to take it all in. It isn’t all completely functional, of course. Who needs a leather couch in their office? Or a television set with a Playstation hooked up to it? But it isn’t over the top, either. There are high shelves filled with files and folders and the desk seems well-used, for actual work. TJ may be a player but he knows when to get his shit together, Colin assumes. Except right now. Because this place is a mess if Colin’s ever seen one. Several empty liquor bottles litter the floor and the contents of at least some of them have not ended up in TJ’s body because there are puddles around them. Chocolate wrappers are strewn all over every available surface and Colin notices there’s a half eaten Snickers bar melting in TJ’s hand. As if reading his thoughts, TJ opens his eyes and mumbles a slurred “I feel sick.”

 

Colin chuckles again and throws up a hand with a shrug. “Well, seems like you’ve consumed an impressive amount of everything that’s bad for you,” he comments but holds a hand out with a sympathetic smile. “You better get up before you throw up in your own mouth and choke on it. Real hazard, saw a feature about that on TV.”

 

When TJ doesn’t react at first, Colin tries a different approach. “C’mon, get up here and tell Uncle Colin what’s up. I may not have my own shit together all the time but I’m excellent at just winging it and providing advice I should be giving myself.” 

 

This, at last, catches TJ’s attention and he gives a little laugh in response. It takes him another minute or so before he moves his arm and reaches for Colin’s hand, allowing himself to be pulled up enough so he can manage the rest on his own. As he watches him place himself on the couch, resting sideways against the backrest, legs pulled up against his chest, Colin tries and fails not to notice that his belt is unbuckled and the button of his pants left open, revealing just a little bit of soft skin and dark fuzz. He distracts himself by reaching for the cream coloured blanket that’s draped decoratively over the arm of the couch and unfolds it before handing it to TJ who takes it gratefully and wraps himself up like a giant burrito.

 

There’s another moment of silence in which Colin gets up to pick up a bottle of water from the mini fridge he spotted behind the desk. To his surprise there’s only water and a few cans of soda in it. He unscrews the cap and hands the bottle to TJ who’s now wearing a rueful smile on his face, reminding him even more of a lost puppy than he already does any given day of the week. As he reaches for the bottle, Colin sees his hand tremble and knows TJ knows he’s noticed when he says, “I’m trying to stay off the coke. ’s not usually so bad anymore. But on nights like tonight…” He trails off and shrugs, taking a small sip of the water. As Colin sits down again, he sees him squeezing his eyes shut, obviously fighting down the rising bile. But once he seems successful, he sips again, so a small victory at last.

 

“Look, I know what you’re thinking,” TJ starts and gets interrupted by a sarcastic “Oh?” from Colin, who doesn’t even know what to think, so this is surprising.

 

“You think that I look like a real mess, which is correct.”

 

Okay, yeah, Colin can’t argue with that part. But he doesn’t know the whole story and isn’t one to judge anyway, a concept TJ clearly has never heard of before. The thought fills Colin with unexpected sadness and he brushes it aside before he can say something stupid.

 

“And you think I brought this onto myself, so I deserve what I got. Which, funny enough, is also correct.” He lifts the bottle as if toasting himself for this amazing observation.

 

“See, that’s where you’re wrong,” Colin says, snatching the bottle from him and taking a gulp himself before handing it back. “I mean, you may have brought this onto yourself - and I still don’t know what this even is - but just because you make a bad decision or even a mistake doesn’t mean you deserve to suffer. Which is what this looks like to me.” He gestures at TJ to make a point.

 

TJ nods and looks cute as his drunken mind considers this like a particularly hard to solve math problem. “Yeah, I guess,” he finally agrees. The almost childlike way in which TJ just accepts what he’s telling him makes Colin smile and nod along with him.

 

“I still shouldn’t drink and fuck, though.” Colin doesn’t know how much TJ actually drank that night but considering the state of his office, he’s quietly impressed by the self-reflecting remark.

 

“Then why did you?” he asks and somehow he’s always had a quality to him that makes such questions sound less accusatory than they do with most people. It doesn’t fail now, either because he can see the wheels in TJ’s head start turning again. But apparently he can’t come up with a real answer to that.

 

“I dunno,” he says, throwing up his hands and splashing some water over the blanket. Given the overall mess here, they both notice and dismiss it simultaneously. “I guess I just needed…something.”

 

Now, this Colin can relate to. Too well, actually. He doesn’t know if the way TJ chose is right to get what he is obviously craving so much, but he, too, has been in this place. So he nods again but doesn’t get to say anything in return because TJ starts talking again. 

 

And tells Colin everything. About a family that could never quite bring itself to accept him for who he was. About growing up with the whole country watching. About stupid mistakes everyone tends to make being met not just with the disdain of his parents but of strangers he’s never even met. About being outed by a journalist before he even figured out for himself what being gay even meant. And finally also about the one and only time so far he fell in love and how that led to not one, but two near-misses when he almost died. A lot of these things Colin has heard about, of course, but it’s another thing getting a firsthand recount and realizing that everything you thought you knew was all just opinionated bullshit from people who thought they knew it all. Then TJ tells him about coming to Boston and how this was meant to be a new start for him but now he feels trapped all over again. Apparently, the conversations on the phone that left him so upset were with his brother who made it clear that sure, they all love him and want him to do well but oh, doesn’t he realize he’s only gonna mess it up again?

 

Colin just sits and listens, even when it seems like TJ stopped talking to him and is just rambling. It surprises him how TJ can tell him all this without seeming like he’s having a pity party. In fact, he sounds almost unnecessarily cruel towards himself, as if all of this was his fault, and Colin finds himself wishing to disagree every few moments but doesn’t want to interrupt his flow. Because the more the talks, the better he seems to feel, as if some kind of poison is slowly getting sucked out of his system.

 

Neither of them knows how much time has passed when he falls silent. By now they’ve both slumped down enough on the couch for TJ’s head to almost rest against Colin’s shoulder. Not quite, but he can feel the warmth radiating off of him and it fills him with a kind of longing that wasn’t there before. 

 

“I know you don’t need me to tell you this, but your past doesn’t define you. You’re doing great here and so what if you mess up sometimes? Everybody does.” 

 

This earns him a cute little huff from TJ and a small, breathy “Thank you”. Again, Colin wonders if it can really be true that no one ever bothers to tell him this or give him other words of encouragement. 

 

He turns his head sideways and that brings their faces close enough that he can smell the alcohol on TJ’s breath and see the darker flecks in the grey of his eyes. He’s so close. Close enough to…

 

“It’s getting late. I better take you home.” Colin is surprised by the resolve in his voice. He didn’t even know he was gonna say that before he hears it himself. A part of him tells him it’s for the best. The other part doesn’t bother saying anything at all, just sits broodingly and glares at him from a corner of his mind. It definitely liked pre-Ally Colin better.

 

It doesn’t help that there’s a hurt look on TJ’s face. He doesn’t need to say it for Colin to know that he felt the connection just as much as he did and thinks of this as rejection now.

 

But TJ doesn’t give him a chance to say anything else before he sits up and peels the blanket off. It’s clear that he’s trying to disengage but when he stands and sways and Colin rushes to wrap an arm around his waist to hold him steady, he relaxes into the touch too quickly and willingly. 

 

Feeling his resolve crumble slowly, Colin clears his throat and takes in the messy room one last time. “C’mon, I’ll help you clean this up tomorrow,” he says, forcing himself to think practical thoughts. To which his mind just gives a dirty little laugh and supplies him with other scenarios in which he would be holding onto TJ’s hip like this. And none of them include clothes.

 

Somehow he manages to get TJ outside and pry the keys from his hands after he watched him try to aim for the lock for a minute. He locks up and then turns to TJ to find him leaning against the brick wall for support. Apparently the cool breeze did its best to finish the job the alcohol had started. No way is he gonna get him home on foot, or even public transport. And while he knows that TJ has a car, neither of them is in any state to drive it. So he flags down a cab and manages to get him inside first and even to give the cabbie his address. For a moment, Colin contemplates leaving it at that. TJ is safe and will be taken home, his job is done here. But then he feels a hand reaching for his and lets himself get pulled into the cab all too easily. 

 

What happens once the door closes after him is not what he expected at all but about ten times as good. TJ immediately scoots over and settles against him, using his shoulder as a pillow. There are stronger men who wouldn’t be able to resist an invitation like this, and so Colin snakes his arm between TJ’s back and the seat and pulls him close. Despite the awkward moment in the office earlier, the silence between them is relaxed, both of them just enjoying that wonderful state between sleep and consciousness. TJ lives further out than Colin expected and so it gives them enough time to doze a little. If TJ has any objections to the way Colin’s thumb slips between his shirt and pants and caresses bare skin, he doesn’t voice them, and so he just keeps going. Slowly, soothingly, for them both.

 

When the car stops, it takes Colin a moment to come to, and another one to get TJ back into reality. He tells the cabbie to wait which seems to make TJ’s face fall a little and he wonders if he had other expectations of how the early morning would progress. To his surprise, the guy is conscious enough to hand the driver a rather thick wad of money and then allows Colin to help him out and to the door.

 

“Can you take it from here?” Colin asks, peeking up the tall front of the apartment building as if that could give him an idea of the challenges waiting inside for a completely smashed guy. Would TJ make it upstairs? Would he fall asleep in the elevator and just ride it up and down until someone pitied him enough to wake him and help him to his apartment? But he seems conscious enough by now, even has enough control over his limbs to stand without holding onto him.

 

“Yeah, I guess…” Apparently TJ is torn, too. Would probably like to come up with an excuse why inviting Colin inside would be a good idea. Which Colin isn’t so sure he’d have the willpower to refuse. 

 

So he hurries to say, “Good. I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” and makes to turn with a little wave. But apparently that makes TJ feel like a window of opportunity is shutting and he dives in so quickly he stumbles and crashes against Colin, who is so overwhelmed all he can do is reach for his shoulders to keep him from falling and look at him with eyes wide open as their lips collide.

 

It’s a sloppy kiss, too aimless and unfocused to really show any skill. And Colin is sure he probably feels like a dead fish to TJ in the way his initial surprise makes him freeze and hold completely still. But he feels him stop for the fraction of a second, as if the lack of reaction was making him pause, and then he starts again with more determination. Apparently he has his mind set on convincing Colin that this is good, this is right, and will he please just not leave him hanging now? And Colin will be damned if he’s gonna disappoint him! Getting over his initial shock, he lets his eyes flutter shut and releases a breath through his nose as he starts taking over. It’s easy, really. As soon as he’s moved a hand from TJ’s shoulder to the back of his neck, the guy starts to melt against him and allows Colin to take the lead. He nips on his bottom lip, something he’s dreamed of doing since the first time he watched him suck on it, and then just keeps marvelling at how perfectly soft and pillowy his mouth feels against his own. His lips are dry and warm and just a little bit chapped but there’s nothing about them that doesn’t feel perfect to Colin. 

 

A million thoughts rush through his mind. He has to tell the cabbie that his services are no longer needed. Did he remember to push a condom into the pocket of his pants when he left home today? Should he stay around afterwards? 

 

But TJ surprises him by pulling back, then leaning back in for a last tiny peck on his lips, and finally stepping away with a rueful smile. 

 

“I gotta go,” he says, and it sounds like an apology to Colin who just stares at him blankly. What just happened there? The question is on the tip of his tongue but instead he nods and shoves his hands in his pockets. Face turned towards the ground, he peeks up at TJ through his thick lashes and with a small smile on his lips.

 

“Yeah,” he agrees, as if this was making perfect sense to him. 

 

TJ looks like he’s about to change his mind but then he flashes an ID card in front of a scanner and pushes the door open when it buzzes.

 

“Goodnight, Colin,” he says and then he’s gone, the heavy metal door clanging shut behind him and serving as an unmistakable barrier between them.

 

Colin spends a moment just staring at the door, as if it held any answers. But then he just shrugs with a humorless little laugh and turns back to the cab. Nothing left for him to do but to go home and get to bed. And sleep seems like a really fucking good idea all of a sudden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me way longer to write than I would have liked to but things just kept coming up. Sorry to everyone who expected for the smut to happen now (including Colin). :)
> 
> Thanks for taking the time to read this and special thanks to [tintentod](http://archiveofourown.org/users/tintentod/pseuds/tintentod) for always being so incredibly helpful and patient. 
> 
> Comments are love, kudos is appreciated, feedback is encouraged. English isn't my first language, so please be gentle. If there's anything you want to point out or if you just want to talk about these two fluffballs, come talk to me, I don't bite.
> 
> You can also find me on [Tumblr](http://citylightslikerain.tumblr.com).

**Author's Note:**

> TJ and Colin are my favourite characters in the Sebastian Stan / Chris Evans fandom. I've watched Political Animals and What's Your Number so often that it led to me wondering how well these two would fit together. I spent an unhealthy amount of time thinking and daydreaming about this until I finally decided to give writing this pairing a shot.
> 
> Special thanks to [tintentod](http://archiveofourown.org/users/tintentod/pseuds/tintentod) for not only proofreading this and giving me her opinion but also for giving me enough pep talk so I'll finally upload this.
> 
> Comments are love, kudos is appreciated, feedback is encouraged. English isn't my first language and I trust spellcheck to correct me. Please be gentle with me.
> 
> You can also find me on [Tumblr](http://citylightslikerain.tumblr.com).


End file.
